The Italian Job

Sunday, June 18.....4:30 a.m.
On a night train on the way to Munich
Listening: Blackalicious '4000 Miles'

9:27 to 9:32.

Unless Shakira wakes me up with breakfast in Munich tomorrow, it's gonna be hard to top those five minutes Saturday night.

To recap: The United States, embarrassed in its opening 3-0 loss to the Czech Republic, came out swinging against Italy. After giving up another faulty opening goal, there was little quit in the Americans. Their fans, as well.

What happened was this: The Americans scored in the 2006 World Cup!

Okay, okay — it was an own goal, but who cares? The fact was, the Americans were on the board and had erased an early deficit against Italy. Our World Cup, thanks to a 2-0 Ghana win over the Czechs, was still alive.

For those scoring at home, I hate Italian soccer and the Italian soccer team. To me, they personify everything Americans hate about soccer — they're boring and defensive, they cheat and they pose for Dolce & Gabbana underwear ads. Today? Check. Check. Check. And Check.

Pure joy, that goal was. I don't get over-excited often. In fact, I'm normally remarkably calm to the point where I wonder if I have a pulse. But this time, I went over the top. Not that it mattered, since everybody else wearing red, white and blue did the same. This is why I'm here. I'm not here to boo Italian players who dive, act like they did something in the Iraq war or cry and get corner kicks when the linesman so obviously could only see they knocked it out of bounds themselves. Again, I hate Italian soccer. I'm sure the country is all good and nice, but I tend to think countries are similar to how they play soccer. Brazil is a big party. England is rude and boorish, but they somehow get the job done. And Italy? Well, do I really need to italicize it again?

I wish I could go all Nick Hornby right now on this keyboard, but the fact is, I'm still not really sure what to do after seeing the US score in the Cup in person. I saw Eric Wynalda score in Pontiac in 1994, Brian McBride score a late goal against Iraq in 1998 that really wasn't worth celebrating, and now this. I did what any straight, secure American male would do — grab Joe and have one of a few moments in the next hour that will easily qualify as "Most Homoerotic Moment" of the trip. I don't really remember much, except that I waited a good two or three seconds before going nuts to make sure it was really true. I'd find out later this is good advice.

Minutes later, with the US back in it and the crowd firmly on the good guys' side, Daniele De Rossi KO'd Brian McBride with an elbow. Brian McBride — is he drawn to these situations? We'd already seen Italians, most notably the 6-foot-5 Luca Toni, called a tough guy in Serie A, fall all over the field, only to get up when he noticed the call went his way. McBride? He classily walked off the field — on his own, by the way. Italy, take notes — received treatment, changed to a clean jersey and then went right back on the field throwing his body around even more. I hate to play the "Italians are pansies" card (oh wait, no I don't), but Italians are pansies. Italy's best player, Francisco Totti limped off as a substitute early, presumably suffering from fake suntan overexposure. McBride takes his lumps and keeps going.

Celebrating those five minutes was just incredible. One, the mighty, sit-on-a-1-0-lead Italians scored an own goal that gave the US life, and two, an Italian player's bluff had finally been called. Had the US gone on to win the game, I don't know if I'd be able to type right now.

Unfortunately, I'm sitting on an express train to Munich with just sparkling water in my system — I might as well have not drank anything, I feel so un-refreshed — and watching the sunrise across the German South (I haven't seen fog in ages). It's nearly impossible to sleep on this train because it is so bright.

I really need to see more replays to see how badly I think the US got screwed by the Uruguayan referee. Hold on, I need to see a replay. FIFA does a good job of not showing controversial replays at the stadium, which gave the stadium scoreboard operator an easy day as there were no doubt a handful of decisions I'd like to see again. We were too high up (second to last row) to see everything clearly, but the DaMarcus Beasley goal looked like a typical Italian job — two players going in hard for a 50-50 ball, the Italian crumbling while the American keeps playing, ultimately setting up a perfectly good goal. Maybe there was offsides later in the play, but again, I have no idea what happened. Joe and I were too tight in each other's embrace.

Notes:

• Kaiserslautern is a great venue for one of the most intense sporting events I've ever seen. However, there were some serious flaws. The stadium is way up on a hill and FIFA redirects you all the way around on the way up and brings you out in a narrow passage, seemingly one of two existing exits. We were seated way up on top of the stadium, and the only restroom and concession facilities were a couple of stories downstairs. If I ever get season tickets to 1.FC Kaiserslautern, remind me that section 20.4, row 69 is not the way to go. The train station is also tiny, and there was a great crush trying to get to the rail platforms (think Liverpool, late-80s). The city itself is fine and has a much better vibe than Gelsenkirchen.

• Special thanks to the two stewards who came to our row in search of someone who must have threw something. It's so high and the roof makes it impossible to throw anything on the field, but the stewards were right in my way for Kasey Keller's great save late in the game. Danke shein.

• Subtle highlight of the game: After his drop kick right in front of an injured Jan Koller against the Czechs, Kasey Keller was so furious after Pirlo got stretchered off the field that he drop-kicked a ball out of bounds that just missed him getting treatment and ended up hitting the linesman. Keller was very animated, towards the refs and trying to urge the crowd on even more.

• Playing 9-on-10 messed with the USA's gameplan, but Bruce Arena and the team did a great job getting the one point and making the Ghana game on Thursday very meaningful. True, we should have won, but the US defense did a great job making sure those conniving Itals didn't steal a cheap win. Jimmy Conrad, who came in after Eddie Pope picked up his second yellow card, did a great job, for one, and that's something nobody really expected. Gooch played great, too, but his sheer size is getting him in trouble, even if he doesn't mean for it to. This was what I feared most with him, that he would draw fouls when the forwards just crumbled after being touched by him.

• Paging Landon Donovan, paging Landon Donovan. A few good moments, but where's he been?

• It's too bad Clint Dempsey had to be substituted for strategic reasons. Clint was taking on defenders and looked very confident. Had he been given 90 minutes, he probably could have been the difference between a win and a tie.

• Met up with Miles Uhlar, a friend of Aaron's who I met in a Paris train station after the US lost to Germany in 1998. Miles was wearing a Red Wings hat that day, and I immediately hit it off with both of them and think it's amazing that here we are, eight years later. Pretty cool. For the record, Miles, a Detroit native, still wears a Red Wings hat.

• Italian pop music really sucks. Just thought I'd hammer that home.