One more time

These guys are World Champions. Eww.

Judging by my traffic statistics, quite a few of you want to see Italy's soccer players pose in their underwear for Dolce & Gabbana, so there you go. But remember — the USA was the only team to tie the World Champs! That's right, a very underrated group of Americans gave Italians their biggest sweat (Germany, Australia and France excluded)!

So I've found some silver lining in Connor's finest hour. Not everyone can move to a country and it immediately wins the World Cup, probably meaning Connor is throwing around terms like "we" and "I can't believe we did it!" while he bones up for a season of Serie A and its fascist cheers and banana-throwing.

Speaking of Serie A, there's another silver lining in Italy's win: as punishment for their parts in a match-fixing scandal, several big clubs, such as Juventus and AC Milan, will likely be dropped down a division or two immediately, meaning we will have a few seasons free of boring, defensive and flare-ridden Champions League on ESPN (provided they show somebody other than Real Madrid). Except the flares and fireworks. I'll miss those.

Anyway, returning to the USA for the final three (four if you count the third-place game, and I don't) games was both a mistake and perfectly acceptable. I didn't have to wait very long in the day for the games to start, the American media is still talking about the World Cup (although it was probably filler for last night's WNBA All-Star Game....this one's for the girls!) and I found my family and friends pretty well-versed on what was going on in Germany. My dad called Lukas Podolski a "gunner" and blamed him for Germany's semifinal defeat (no doubt Joe was smiling in Munich), and my sister called Luca Toni "floppy" and "rigatoni" because he fell down so much. We even sat down for a few episodes of World Cup Live! and the Drew Carey show, which featured the same ugly ball he bought when I met him.

It was also a mistake because I had to watch Germany-Italy from outside a Portuguese restaurant in the Newark airport. Then the match went to extra-time, and I had to board my flight, only to wait out a passing storm for an hour on the tarmac. Ignoring the FAA's request, I answered my phone to find out, live from my brother-in-law Chris, that Italy had scored once, and then twice. Then I believe I caught something which has kept me somewhat sick to this day on the flight over, and then was diverted to Phoenix and finally arrived in Tucson four hours late and 31.5 hours after I started. I blame Italy.

I would have never guessed, but I actually find myself loving the German team. With a few minor adjustments, they've also become my team of choice in the World Cup video game, and now that Jurgen Klinsmann has officially stepped down, I've officially stepped up my campaign to get him over to coach that, as previously mentioned, very underrated and dangerous US team. He didn't take many wrong steps during the Cup, and this was a guy who was absolutely untrusted as coach of the hosts of the World Cup. Now he is the man of the moment, mainly because he's taken an average (yes, average was the term that described the Germans in early June) team full of youngsters and taken them further than anyone realistically thought. And he did it with many American methods, which irked nearly every German in the process. And he played attacking soccer, which was a rarity in this Cup. I don't see any reason why he cannot take the US job: he lives in SoCal, is relatively anonymous here but him signing would still be pretty big news, he has a distinguished playing career that nobody in the US can match, he's energetic and could also fit into Bruce Arena's pants twice and there isn't a single American candidate I would hire in a million years for the job.

I certainly wouldn't hire France's coach/noted astrologist/guy who should be ordered to wear a beret on the sidelines, Raymond Domenech. It was disappointing to see Italy win the Cup, but the French coach finally surrendered victory and the other side accepted. In their semifinal and quarterfinal games, Domenech mysteriously always substituted Thierry Henry and Frank Ribery (Scarface) in the final minutes with a 1-0 lead .... for other attackers, not defenders. These moves never backfired (although Ribery's family was, allegedly, caught on French TV making obscene gestures at the coach as the player was coming off) because France won, but it was a bizarre strategy that didn't solidify the defense for the last few minutes and, had Brazil or Portugal scored, would have left them missing in extra time.

But it did backfire against the Italians. The Italians, for most, if not all, of the 120 minutes, were dead and hanging on the ropes. France outplayed them the entire game and let the Italians off the hook repeatedly for not pressing off and forcing the winning goal. Sure, Zidane should have buried that header and the whole "son of a terrorist whore" thing wouldn't have happened (probably), but taking off Henry — who's becoming the Peyton Manning of soccer, by the way — and Ribery and not going for the throat cost the Frenchies dearly. (I love soccer, by the way. It's the one sport where I truly believe I could do Sven Goran Eriksson's or Domenech's job and be more successful .... how do these guys get jobs?)

As for the Zidane's headbutt, it's completely indefensible, no matter what was said. It didn't necessarily cost the French the game (useless Trezeguet would have still missed his PK and even more useless Fabien Barthez still wouldn't have come close to saving one), but it certainly won the game for Italy. With no Zidane, Henry or Ribery for the last 10-12 minutes, they knew the French wouldn't be able to muster up much and the game would go to PKs, where the Italians had the better keeper and the psychological advantage. It must be nice to play so poorly and win a World Cup.